Grappling with Guys, for Women

The world of fighting is predominately a male world. Traditionally, guys are the ones always going off to battle; or are quick to knuckle-up in at parking lot duster outside of your local watering hole. Now that's not to say that women are excluded, but it is to say that women who fight are the exception. Just check out your garden variety World Star Hip Hop videos, the majority of those fights are going to be guys, but you will find some ladies mixing it up there as well, but again, it is the exception to see females in such an aggressive state. Ironically, though, history is FULL of sweet stories and tales of female warriors. Joan of Arc, Shieldmaidens of Norse mythology, Calamity Jane, just to name a few (way more here).

"Joan of Arc in Battle" by Hermann Anton Stilke

In Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, we do have a lot of great female competitors, and the female brackets are only getting bigger every year. So with that in mind I thought it would be good to revisit one of our most famous topics of rolling with girls, but this time explore it from the female perspective.

In our article, "When Hugs Get Dangerous: Guys Rolling with Women," we looked to help guys in training with women by having a (real live) actual female, Rebecca Reuben, tell us guys that women--essentially--aren't made of glass.  But today we're going to flip the script a little and have another guest post talking to women about rolling with guys, from the female perspective. BJJ Blue Belt Christine Fader weighs in this week. 

Christine and crew from Titans Fitness Academy

My name is Christine Fader.  I have been training BJJ for 3 years and am currently a blue belt at Titans Fitness Academy in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.
I started my journey at a different Gym doing Muay Thai.  I used to see all the BJJ guys leaving their class so sweaty, exhausted, and happy--and I knew I wanted to be apart of it.
My initial foray into grappling was not easy.  While I have always loved competing in sports and working out I was not prepared for the all consuming mental and physical exhaustion that takes over from having zero technique and no knowledge of what to do.  I struggled a lot.  My first time rolling at open mat time I cried from frustration and vulnerability; and it wouldn't be my last time.  If I could offer any piece of advice to female white belts out there it is: to keep going.  You will get better--I promise.  Trust in the technique; trust in your instructors, trust in your training partners.    It is hard to go to class, day after day, spend hour after hour practicing techniques only to have your guard passed, get mounted and choked in 5 seconds by your larger, stronger training partner who just learned the choke that hour and the guard pass last week.  It feels as if you are wasting your time; or that you will never get it-until one day you don't get choked on 5 seconds.  The next time it takes much longer for your partner to get that choke; and months down the road, while your guard can still get passed you are surviving a lot longer.
As a female it can be especially frustrating because we are usually at a physical disadvantage, but I promise that the techniques work.  The harder you work, and the more you perfect them, you will see results--it just takes time.  Be stubborn.  Don't give up.
BJJ has brought me many close friendships and experiences I never thought I would have and it's only just begun.  I started at age 32, and if I can do it anyone can.  Just don't give up.

Christine in action

So let's keep some things in mind: as a female (or even some guys, I suppose) you're going to be at a physical disadvantage. Sure, of course, we can argue back and forth on the subject but science supports that males have more muscle and better bone density, thus making male bigger, stronger, and more physically dominate. But Brazilian Jiu Jitsu was designed to defeat that! As Christine points out, it's going to be frustrating. But I want to point out that you're not going to through anything any one else hasn't. 

Actress Kateryn Winnick as Lagertha in History Channel's Vikings

Being a female doesn't mean that you're not ever going to be as good as, or better than, the guys at your gym. I'm pretty sure Mackenzie Dern (love her) will ruin my life if she wanted to and I out weigh her by 100 pounds. Being female does, mean that you might be more fragile. It does mean that the guys you're training with will (probably) be trying to walk the line of technique and strength. So you're going to have to walk that same line, but in a more violent way. Set the pace. If you're looking to train harder with someone, set the pace. If you're more concerned about working technique, speak up, but also set the pace. You're going to train with men, that much is inevitable. So when the time comes don't be afraid to be aggressive, but remember to protect yourself from bad situations too. I know you're going to want to tough some stuff out (and you should) but don't be stupid and try to survive some things and get your ribs compromised by a bigger opponent. Trust me when I tell you: guys will always listen to girls on the mat. So even mid-roll if someone is going too rough--or too soft--speak up, joke about it, make them/us aware, but be ready for what comes.

I'm not suggesting that guys are going to be out there head-hunting or anything, but we're a dumb species and can misread suggestions. Finding a good training partner for yourself is a key. You want someone who's A) Comfortable with you & you with them B) Someone skilled enough that isn't new and thus can help you and C) Someone easy to work with so that you can roll, drill, or work out stuff together. That is a tall bill  to fill--like trying to find the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend--but they're out there. 

-and don't forget some other great sites from some female grapplers out there:

http://www.learningbjj.com/

http://www.bjjgirl.net/

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When Hugs Get Dangerous: Guys Rolling w/ Women

Up till now, your contact with women has (probably) not involved trying to avoid chokes and joint locks. You’re probably used to exchanging hugs, handshakes, and other forms of non-aggressive contact. But now you’re in an environment where all of that is probably going to happen with the inclusion of avoiding being choked or submitted by a joint lock, and you’re not sure how to handle it. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is getting comfortable in the uncomfortable and adapting to the situation; and for a lot of us, rolling with the opposite sex can be a point of voyaging into weird waters. First of all, that’s a normal feeling, so don’t feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t know how to roll with a female. In this post we’re going to take a look at different approaches, schools of thought, and my advice for getting comfortable with the new situation.

When you’re asked to roll with a female by your instructor, remember that they are pairing the two of you together based on closeness of size and rank. If your instructor feels confident in pairing you with someone (regardless of age, ranks, or sex) you should feel confident in their decision too; and go with it. But what if you’ve never trained/rolled with a female before? Relax. Don’t lose sight of what makes Brazilian Jiu Jitsu work—by design its purpose is for the smaller/weaker person to be able to get into positions to win. Even if you’re roughly the same size as the female you’re working with, as a male, you have more muscle and skeletal mass than your partner—which means you’re going to feel heavy. It also means that while you’re about the same size, you’re probably a lot stronger. That’s just science. In those cases, remember to be fair. The purpose of training is to perfect your technique and not have to use all the muscle anyway. 

I’ve asked a few of the women that I train with about some advice they’d offer to newbies (like yourself) on how to train/roll with a female. I wanted to know if they preferred the guy to scale it back and ‘let them work’ or maybe they felt like that was a slight. Maybe they didn’t want the guy to hold back. The answers I got were a mixed bag of both. Again, you’re about the same size anyway, but I think that it’s your job as the (stronger/heavier) guy to keep it even and fair; and if that means holding back sometimes maybe that’s the best option. But don't do anyone any favors, either. Fellow white belt, Rebecca Reuben who trains at Romulo Melo BJJ in San Francisco, says “We are stronger than you think! And [we] will let you know if you are being too rough, personally I don’t mind the roughness; it’s good preparation.” Which is worth considering because taking it too easy on your training partner isn’t helping them get better or learn to help them train against larger opponents—or attackers.

(Rebecca Getting to Work!)

I think the best way to approach a training situation with a female that you’ve never trained with before is to start off my introducing yourself. Even if you’ve been training in the same classes for awhile now, a polite introduction will help you both feel more comfortable. Then ask your partner if there is anything that she’d like to train or drill with you. If so, great! But if not just reassure her that you’re going to do your best not to ‘Hulk out’ on her and focus on technique, but not let her have any gimmies, either. If you’re able to accomplish those simple steps in the time you have between getting assigned the new partner and when the roll starts, then you should be able to expect a good, fun, quality spar with a new friend and training partner.

I’m sure you’re also worried about the taboo topics of accidently grabbing/touching a breast, butt, or any other uncomfortable body part—I am too. It’s something we as male training partners have to be aware of. Accidents happen and our female training partners know that, too. It’s our duty as good training partners to always be considerate, but going back to the previous points, don’t avoid going for a collar grab because you’re too scared of brushing up against a boob. As in all things BJJ,you’ll get better at it with experience. As long as you maintain a high level of respect for all of your training partners, you should never run into any awkward problems. But most of all, treat your female training partners with the same respect you’d give anyone. Otherwise you might end up like homie down here…